Land, Air, and Water
by pen pencil whatever
Summary: Draco is a human who can't swim... he has just been saved by a beautiful creature who will change his life forever. AU, Yaoi, HP/DM
1. i want to be a dolphin!

The main reason for this fic is to get Harry and Draco together in one of the most interesting ways and to make it funny... wish me luck  
  
Rating: R (just to be safe)  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
Fay (My muse): walks forward holding a tape player, she presses play... nothing happens... she carefully taps it on the side... nothing happens... she smiles at the readers before she suddenly smacks the tape player to the ground... nothing happens... she stomps on it... nothing happens... once...nothing happens... twice... the tape starts to play, quivering at first.  
  
*From the tape player* I do... I mean...I d-d-d-don't............... ownHarryPotterthebookoranyofthecharacters (a sudden despairing cry erupts from the tape)  
  
Fay: scrambles to shut off the inhuman wail. "That my dear reader is the only acceptance that I have been able to wring from the author, I mean... capture on tape"  
  
Pen (the author... me): sobbing in the corner hugging her meager Harry Potter collection  
  
Warnings: yaoi, violence, bad language, Lemony fresh flavor...(whatever else there is just to be safe)  
  
Tittle: Land, air, and water  
  
Ch. 1  
  
In the middle of no where...  
  
A place only meant for fish and the extremely insane...  
  
Or that's what was running through Draco's mind as the rail he was leaning against rose softly with the waves, his stomach rising as well.  
  
"Isn't this wonderful Draco?! The soft breeze the fresh air, the cleansing sun, and your mother getting a full body tan!" Lucious peaked over his sunglasses to look towards the bow where his wife was currently sunbathing... in the nude.  
  
Draco only groaned in response refusing to lift his head.  
  
Lucious Malfoy took his eyes off his wife's bare skin and turned his attention to his son, who was currently dehydrated and slowly dying of thirst in a boat surrounded by undrinkable water. Grinning Lucious took a piece of ice from his glass and headed toward his son's sunburned back.  
  
"Lucious! Don't you dare do that to my baby!"  
  
Lucious cringed, grin still on his face. "Darling, do you truly think I'm capable?"  
  
Narcissus got up and grabbed a towel. "Don't give me that! I know what you were going to do!"  
  
Lucious eyed the slim woman making her way to his side. "Well its sooooo boring sitting over here with only Draco as company." A lazy smile made its trek across his face as she moved in front of him.  
  
Narcissus laughed and placed her hand at the top of her towel she paused only for a moment to look around her husband. "Good, it looks like Draco was kind enough to go in so we could have the boat to ourselves" she wiggled her eyebrows and let her towel drop almost bursting into laughter at her husbands gleeful expression.  
  
"I'll have to give that boy a reward for this!"  
  
At that Narcissus burst out in laughter, quickly stifled as she was pulled into her husband's lap and promptly French kissed.  
  
O.oO_Oo.O   
  
(Draco)  
  
"Uh, I can't stand this blistering heat much longer" Draco whispered to himself as his hand slid from the rail he looked at it through hazy eyes then brought his other hand up to wipe away the sweat beading on his brow. With a cartoon effect he suddenly realized it was not humanly possible to be holding on with no hands and the moment he realized it he registered the cool water all around him.  
  
He had fallen off the boat...  
  
Forcing his body into action, Draco furiously swung his limbs to pull him towards what he thought was the surface... only it wasn't. A twist of fate had him upside down in the water so that now Draco was madly trying to reach a surface unreachable to a human such as himself.  
  
His lungs began to burn and fear bubbled up in him as stroke after stroke only reveled even darker blue depths and just as he had given up hope, silver flashed before his eyes  
  
What could it be? He squinted his eyes and stopped struggling as a smooth gray body pushed up under him. He grabbed onto a fin that cropped up before his eyes and held on for dear life as the thing under him shot quickly to the surface.  
  
The moment the surface was breached Draco took in a huge breath and collapsed onto the blue gray body he still clung to.  
  
"I'm bloody alive..." Draco burst out into giggles  
  
The body under Malfoy moved and dipped slightly into the water causing Draco to clutch at the slippery skin and let out a sharp squeal stopping his earlier giggles  
  
"Don't you dare dive you monstrous animal! I can't breath under water!"  
  
The animal let out a few high pitched clicks as though it were laughing and wiggled even more under the palling Draco  
  
"I said stop you bloody animal!"  
  
More clicks like laughter, but the body stilled.  
  
Draco slowly lay down on the rubbery skin curving his body around the protruding fin to lay where he though the head most likely to be and sighed. "That's good. Now, isn't it much nicer to do as I say?"  
  
A blast of air lifted Draco's wet bangs and little bits of water went up his nose. Draco cursed as he sat up, while the animal laughed in its special way.   
  
"You're a dolphin, aren't you?" Draco growled as he wipped away the water in his face  
  
The animal bobbed in a sort of confirmation and Draco slid into the water keeping a tight hold onto the dolphin's fin so that he could look into the face of his rescuer.  
  
"You know my dad says he likes dolphins. Because he says aside from humans dolphins are the only other species that have sex for pleasure." The dolphin let off more clicks and wiggled a bit Draco held on for dear life.  
  
"Don't do that I CAN'T swim!" more clicks were let off and Draco breathed relief when the animal stopped.  
  
There was a moment of silence before Draco found it uncomfortable and decided to talk. "Now where am I? Do you know?" The dolphin looked over at Draco with one dark eye. Draco giggled, "I guess you do, but even if you did I wouldn't be able to understand you therefore!" Draco raised one finger and took a deep breath. "It is completely useless... to me" his finger drooped and his head fell after his last statement. The dolphin let off a string of clicks obviously amused by Draco's mini drama.  
  
Draco smirked his trademark smirk and petted the smooth skin under him. "At least I'll die with company."  
  
Silence reigned for a few moments before the dolphin got a glint in his eye and began his scheme. The animal clicked and bobbed Draco squealed and clutched onto the slippery skin. "Stop, stop! I want to die latter then sooner!" but the dolphin didn't listen and bobbed some more getting Draco to clutch even harder.   
  
O.oO_Oo.O  
  
The dolphin remembered that an entrance cave was near by but he couldn't remember for the life of him how long it took to swim down there. Two minutes... five... oh well the human could hold its breath. And with one last dip to make sure the blond had a good grip on his fin he dove, the joy of water all around him egged him on faster and faster. The dolphin finally saw the cave entrance and registered the Humans grip on his back.  
  
Good, he'd be able to keep him!  
  
With joy throughout his body the Dolphin entered the dark moth of the cave an extra flip of his tail showing how happy he was.  
  
They emerged into a pocket of air.  
  
O.oO_Oo.O  
  
Draco coughed and clutched tightly with one hand while the other wiped the hair and Water out of his eyes.  
  
"you evil nasty creature! I almost died!" Draco splashed a bit in indignation.  
  
The dolphin seemed not to hear Draco for he just kept on swimming happily up to a shore that magically appeared in front of him. Draco slipped away and let out a happy shout as he emerged completely from the water and collapsed on the sandy shore face firmly buried into the sand.  
  
"I'm alive!" he mumbled into the ground getting sand in his mouth and not caring.  
  
"Yes you are, and I'm very glad of it"  
  
Draco twisted around to where the voice had come from and his mouth dropped open a dribble of sand falling back to the floor, slightly lumpy and wet.   
  
Before him stood a buck naked bronze god with a smile on his lips, mused raven hair and eyes that shone like emeralds.  
  
"oh my... hell..."  
  
the boy burst out in a soft chuckle and he hid his mouth for a moment at Draco's expression.  
  
Draco's poor water starved body couldn't help his reactions and there were reactions... Draco gulped and his eyes seemed to fall of their own accord.  
  
The boy became aware of Draco's distress, it only seemed to entertain him more as he walked around him to where his clothes were laid. The blonde's eyes stayed on him the whole time.  
  
"so..."  
  
Draco jumped and looked down at his hands to help slow his breath.  
  
"I saved your life"  
  
Draco lifted his eyes to meet sea green, "Yes, and I'm sure my father will reward you handsomely... well that is if I ever see him again... if you're not some freak who just wants to hurt me..."   
  
Now wearing a pair of loose Kakuei tie shorts the boy couldn't help but burst into laughter. "I'm not going to hurt you, well, that is... only if you want me to." He smiled at Draco with a glint in his eyes. Draco's own gray eyes widened at all that implied.  
  
Silence reighned between them when a sudden interuption drew both their attention.  
  
"Harry! I've told you a million times! You have to stay within my sight whenever you're..."  
  
Two pair of eyes turned to the Red head who came storming out of the water and stood stock still when he caught sight of Draco.  
  
"Bloody Hell Harry, what have you done..."  
  
Hee hee heeee!! Where is Draco? and what does this all mean?... no, realy I don't have a clue! *innocent eyes*  
  
Is there a magical world or isn't there? Why is Ron acting like Harry's Dad? Why was Harry Naked? All this and more in the next episode of Land, Air, and Water!! 


	2. Draco? slave! those words don't mix!

Please Skip this if you feel the need it is only mindless drivel from my brain... it is just for a laugh  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
Toad: I am a transforming frog!  
  
Pen: No not you too!  
  
Toad: b-b-but I turn into a hansom prince!  
  
Pen: I still don't want you around! Get out of my fic!  
  
Toad: But I have come to take you away to my kingdom in the sky!  
  
Pen: well you can just go on home without me! I have a fic to write!  
  
Toad: But you have to kiss me in order for me to transform!  
  
Pen: Fine  
  
Toad: *big Smile*  
  
Pen: FAY! Get over here and kiss this frog!  
  
Toad: O_O  
  
Fay: mumbles *comes over to kiss the toad* *kisses toad*  
  
Pen: nothing happened...  
  
Toad: well they say I am a compulsive liar... I'm a toad after all not a frog.  
  
Pen: -_-;; *is not amused*  
  
Fay: *takes out favorite Poem by Jim Davis*  
  
I have a buddy  
  
My buddies a toad  
  
He's flat as a pancake   
  
Pen: *runs over toad with steamroller*  
  
Fay: He's flat on the road  
  
But he is my buddy  
  
My buddy to stay  
  
Till he peels up and floats away  
  
Pen: *blows toad away with a leaf blower*  
  
Fay: now I get to say that all rights to Harry Potter are owned by someone that is not Pen and makes sure they brush their teeth every night!  
  
Pen: I brush my teeth every night! *Blushes*  
  
Fay: rolls eyes  
  
(A/N I just had to get that poem in here some how, I love Jim Davis! And Garfield and Odie and Nermal and...)  
  
Warnings: everything especially Yaoi or as I so call it Gay loving!  
  
Title: Land, Air, and Water  
  
Where was he and who were these freaks? Draco sat sulking in the sand. When that red head had appeared he had taken the Bronze god aside and began interrogating him. Now Draco sat all alone bored out of his mind until the argument between the two boys began to get loud. At first they were speaking in a language that Draco couldn't understand but his eyes meet with green and Harry switched over to English, the red head automatically following suit.  
  
"Harry, he's a human!"   
  
"Yeah, and incredibly good looking too" Harry looked over at Draco and smiled.  
  
Ron rolled his eyes and grabbed Harry's attention, "Harry that's beside the point. He can't even change, he'll drown sooner or latter!"   
  
"He can't swim either"  
  
Ron seemed outraged, "What! You brought a squib (1) down here!"   
  
"Ron humans aren't like us, if they can't swim they can learn"  
  
"Well, Harry! The thing still is that you brought someone down here. Once they come here they can't leave! You need to think with your head once in a while instead of your dick!!"  
  
"I was thinking! If I hadn't of brought him here he would have died" Harry pouted angry that his friend wasn't respecting him.  
  
Ron snorted and leered at Harry. "And I bet I know what type of slave your going to make him too!"  
  
Draco's eyes grew with this statement and latched his big eyes to Harry waiting for a response.  
  
Harry looked at Ron's smug face and his temper rose. "Wipe that grin off your face Ron! I'm not going to keep him as a Love slave!"   
  
Draco almost choked but was happy to hear that Harry was not going to *try* to make him a slave, he might have had to hurt someone... but Harry wasn't done.  
  
"He's going to be my personal cook!" Harry smiled at Ron as if he was rubbing the red heads face in this fact  
  
Before Draco could interrupt the argument, Ron went on  
  
"You only said he was going to be your cook because you knew that I knew you wanted him for your twisted pleasure!"   
  
"Harry..." Draco said quitly   
  
Harry didn't seem to hear. "No, I've always wanted to try food from the land!"  
  
"Harry..." this was said a little louder but the raven-haired boy still did not hear him.  
  
"you'll see! I'll eat like a king for the rest of my life!"  
  
"HARRY YOU STINKING FISH FOR BRAINS, I AM NOT GOING TO BE YOUR SLAVE!!"  
  
Harry did notice this and turned to face the blonde who now sat positively glowing with rage and not a hair out of place.  
  
Harry blinked confused, "but didn't I save your life..."  
  
"I don't care if you had saved me from castration! I'm not going to be your fucking slave!"  
  
Ron Snorted, "Look at that Harry you can't even control him!"  
  
Harry ignored Ron and moved closer to Draco. "It can't be helped. The only way you will get fed or clothed is if you're with me."  
  
"I don't care, I'll stay here and live off of fish and sea water!" Draco glared not looking a bit scared.  
  
"I saved your life and down here that's a life debt, if you don't give me your life then it will be as if I never saved you... and I won't have any say in it either"   
  
"What do you mean! If I don't become your property you're going to put me back where you found me?"  
  
Harry moved in closer as if he where telling a secret until their noses were only about an inch apart. "this underwater city is magical and it keeps a few magical laws, this Life debt is one of these laws, if you don't agree to become my slave then you are going to appear underwater, where I found you... I'm sorry"  
  
Draco stared into green eyes that appeared to be sincere. "Damn it all to hell... fine."  
  
Harry's eyes lit up, "really?"  
  
Draco was pissed and crossed his arms over his chest. "I said it once Fish boy must I repeat myself?"  
  
A malicious grin formed on Harry's mouth. "no" Harry leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss before jumping to his feet with a happy yell.  
  
Draco was stunned only for a moment. He followed suit and rose from the ground. "now what"  
  
"you start acting like a slave, not a priggish snob" Ron answered Draco from where he stood.  
  
Draco turned a raised brow to the red headed teen. " I believe I asked Harry, not..." Draco paused to look him up and down and he finished his statement with a superior voice. "you..."  
  
Ron's eyes blazed and he moved toward Draco with killing on his mind, Harry stopped him with his arm across Ron's chest and a warning glare in his eyes  
  
Ron stopped an expression of confusion crossed his face. "Harry did you go naked?"   
  
Confusion only passed over Harry's face for a moment before he understood and a blush lit up his face. "n-no"  
  
"yes you did." Draco flashed a smile at a glaring Harry.  
  
"Harry it's against policy for the prince to go out naked!"   
  
Prince? Draco thought turning shocked eyes toward Harry  
  
Harry blushed, "well no one saw me, and you know its much more comfortable then those... suits"   
  
Ron rolled his eyes and a smile graced his lips. "Harry, just don't let it happen again. What if Hermione had been here"  
  
Harry grabbed his friend in a bear hug, "if she had seen it I know she would have been shocked!"  
  
Ron patted Harry on his back. "don't make fun of Hermione. Now lets get back before Crabbe and Goyle get all bent out of shape and start reading tea leaves telling of our demise!"  
  
Draco was confused. "um excuse me but where are we going?"  
  
Harry pulled away from Ron, who frowned as his friend left him alone, and took Draco's hand. "follow me and everything will be alright" Harry smiled and led the boys down a path that led deeper and farther away from Draco's life forever.  
  
(1)Squib - a magical person that can't swim, no matter how hard they try they can never learn to swim they often turn into other magical beings such as vampires or wizards...  
  
Harry's a prince? Crabbe and Goyle are reading tea leaves? What?! All this and more hopefully explained in the next eventful episode of Land, Air, and Water!!  
  
Pen: now is the time that I thank all the wonderful people that reviewed!!  
  
Fay: you might want to start running...  
  
Pen: Thank you! Thank you! Emily Pitt! *Huggles*  
  
Pen: Oh so much thanks! Sapphire wolf!  
  
Fay: *rolls eyes and recites her own list* thank. you. Thank. You. Oh so many thanks to-  
  
Pen: Fay!! Say it with feeling! Like this! Thank you so very ery much my lovely reader TigerBlak! *huggles*  
  
Fay: *sighs* thank you so very *forces through her teeth* ery much... *looks down at paper in her hands* um... Mande?  
  
Pen: its not Mande!!! Its Manda!  
  
Fay: Manda...  
  
Pen: your review was such a joy to read!  
  
Fay: thanks to silver... um a lot...   
  
Pen: that was pitiful  
  
Fay: *shrugs*  
  
Pen: thank you verrrrrrrrry much and I hope you review again to NayNymic!!  
  
Pen: And thank you so oh very much! to Juushika! *huggles*  
  
Fay: Thanks to Lillie chan... does that mean she's a lesbian?...   
  
Pen: no you dork! Yuri means lily not Lillie! And don't be mean to the Reviewers!!!  
  
Fay: hey I know a few girls that are proud to be called dikes.  
  
Pen: ^______^ thank you Fallen Dragon! I hope you keep reading!!  
  
Fay: you're ignoring me... -_-;;  
  
Pen: I love the name, and the review, thank you oh so very much Severus Snape! *Huggles*   
  
Fay: I love the name, and the review, thank you oh so very much Crabbe! *Huggles*  
  
Pen: you're mocking me... -_-#  
  
Fay: No! I really do like the name!  
  
Pen: *grumbles*  
  
Fay: Thank you from the bottom of Pen's heart... and mine *winks* Peachdancer82  
  
Pen: Thank you from the bottom of my heart *glares at Fay* Zeynel I have enjoyed your input into my story.  
  
Fay: *Laughs*  
  
Pen: *glares at Fay*  
  
Fay: Thank you soooooooo much Tracy it always gives me joy to know the stories I help Pen imagine are appreciated!  
  
Pen: that was the last one right...  
  
Fay: what! And I was just getting into this thanking thing. I'm having FUN!  
  
Pen: *pouts* but you were the one who complained in the beginning *the last word sounds like fingernails against a chalk board*  
  
Fay: I love it when you review please review so I can thank more of you!!! *jumps around throwing cyber cookies to the readers*  
  
Pen: *mumbles* thank you all...  
  
Fay: Pen! Say it with feeling! Like this! Thank you ALL I love you SO much! *HUGGLE* 


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